Even though shame is just one of the many emotions that influence how well we deal with money, it is one of the most destructive. One definition of shame is a condition of humiliating disgrace. When a person feels shame, it is from feeling embarrassed of who he is. This feeling of embarrassment is compounded by our society believing at some level that net worth is a reflection of self-worth.

Some ways you may feel shame in regards to money

• Believe that the labels of “poverty” or “lower class” define who you are

• Need to ask for a handout when your pride does not want to ask

• Lost money in an bad investment or investment scheme

• Being in debt

• Not having the same material possessions (e.g., car, house, etc.) that others have

Shame can come in several different forms, as shown above. Yet, shame no matter what the source is tends to have the same effect on people, although the level of how much it affects a person may vary from individual to individual. Some of the effects are:

• Live in a state of lower energy. Shame is similar to depression. How many people are really productive when they are depressed? The same goes with shame. There is little motivation to do anything when you dislike who you are.

• Expend wasted energy (from the energy that you do have). Shame hides itself by wearing a mask to show the outside world how good things are even though the actual situation can be drastically different. With all the energy going to cover-up the situation, there is less energy to change the situation (thus why I call it wasted energy).

• Believe the worst about yourself. When you hide from others, you subconsciously (or even consciously) believe that you are less than others. It is in this belief that you start attracting situations that confirm this belief that you are less than. If you do not feel good about yourself, neither will others (especially potential bosses). So the feeling of less than generates similar results in the world (e.g., having less than others).

• Avoid help from others. By hiding yourself from the world, you are also closing yourself off from getting the help that you may need. If you are ashamed of being in debt or making being a victim in an investment scheme, you close yourself off from getting help and ideas from friends. If your friends knew about your situation, they could probably provide valuable advice or help you through the situation.

Some people may want to ignore shame thinking that it will go away. Yet, as with all emotions, feelings need to be felt to be transformed. So, recognize when you do feel shame and then take action to overcome it. The preliminary step is to see where shame comes from. To find shame ask yourself what you would regret (or be embarrassed of) if your family, friends or co-workers found out about who you are. After you isolated the source of shame (e.g., being in debt), you should consider

• Dropping the defenses to shame so it can be healed

• Stop beating ourselves up over mistakes and know that the mistakes are in the past. Beating yourself up for your mistakes and faults is a defense of your ego because beating yourself up is distracting you from solving the issue.

• Also, share with others what you are ashamed of (most of the times your projection of what they may think is worse than what they actually think).

• Defining your self-worth from who you are instead of what you have. We sometimes feel the self-worth is an outside measure. However, it is developed from within. I hear all the time that living in poverty, in debt or on minimum wage is robbing them of self-esteem. Yet, not the term “self”, this is a measure that is internal not from outside circumstances.

• Separate the notion that net worth equals self-worth.

• Celebrate what you love about yourself (instead of beating yourself up).

• Know that you are the perfect child of your creator.

For more information, read

Self-Worth

Shame & Money

This entry was posted on Wednesday, August 16th, 2006 at 8:49 am and is filed under Energy of Money. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.