A large misunderstanding about tithing is the reason why we give. Many give, expecting to receive something back. With tithing, some people expect recognition for giving, expect the “riches of heaven” or expect to receive prosperity by giving. Expecting something back is especially true when we give in the act of shopping. You may be thinking that shopping is not tithing so what does it have to do with tithing. I find giving in all forms, related. It is like saying that being spiritual only matters in church and it does not matter how we live our lives outside of church. It is important to look at all areas of giving because it is in tithing and other aspects of our lives that will determine what we receive. For example, if one gives freely at church and then is a miser outside of church, the focus on lack (being a miser) will expand and can cancel out the effects of tithing at church.

To understand the aspects of tithing and giving and receiving, it is important to first to understand the principle of what we focus on will expand. This concept is explained further in “We get what we have, not what we want” and “Gift of Tithing – Part I” . It is also important to understand Wayne Dyer’s saying, “what we do not want will expand.” This is important because the focus is on what we do not want (what we are trying to avoid), thus what we do not want will expand.

To understand what we can receive back when we give, we need to look at the different ways that we give:

• Reluctantly – Sometimes we give because we are expected to give, yet while giving, we wonder if there is enough. The focus here is on if there is enough (in other words lack). We give wondering if something does happen will I have enough? Or, in shopping it is questioning will I get as much as from this purchase as I am giving? There is a feeling that I may get cheated. In either case, giving reluctantly signifies a sense of loss (lack). Thus, what we receive is more loss because that is what our focus is on.

• Sparingly – The belief here is that there is only so much money to go around. For some to be rich, others need to be poor. Thus, I can not waste what I have or give too much because I do not want to be caught short. Again the focus is on loss and lack which is what will come back.

• Painfully – Probably the hardest one to pinpoint is giving too much to where it can create a hardship. Giving till it hurts may be done wanting to make others happy. Making people happy is admirable. However, where it is done extensively and masochistically it may signify a wanting to get something back (e.g., recognition or love). The question to ask is what happens if nothing comes back? Other times it is done to be spiritual (money means nothing so give it away). This will be discussed later.

• Expectantly – A big part of giving these days, at work or in life, is expecting something in return. To show this, walk down the street and saying “hi” to strangers. What is your reaction if you receive the cold shoulder? Some would probably think how rude these people are because they did not reciprocate the greeting. At work, we expect to receive an equivalent pay for the work that we are doing and wonder why we do not get promoted when we believe we deserve it. The key question is what happens when giving is not reciprocated? Is giving cut back or stopped?

• Spiritually – Well shouldn’t the act of giving be spiritual? Yes, yet here it is done to avoid being seen as greedy. Thus, if one has money, one must give it away to avoid its temptations of greed and to become more spiritual. The question is how much does one need to give away in order to avoid be greedy? It is not the money that makes a person greedy but the underlying sense of lack that does. Many do not realize is that many spiritual people had a lot of money including Ghandi. For further discussion on this, see “Can a Rich Person be Spiritual?”

• Guilty – Feeling sorry for the inadequate social structure is part of the reason why the current welfare system does not work. It seems so noble when the rich feel guilty for their wealth and give some of it to the poor to help them out. Yet, this is a way of keeping the rich, rich and the poor, poor. It keeps the class system in place because the poor become dependent on the help. It sets up a system where the poor believe that they need to rely on an endless stream of welfare while believing they have nothing to give back. “True giving” should not be about rich or poor. Rather, it is about giving a hand-up rather than a hand-out. If it is truly a hand-up, there is no guilt because it is just being helpful rather than thinking your situation is better than theirs. I found it interesting that Bangladesh offered $1 million in assistance for Hurricane Katrina relief. This is giving to help rather than seeing oneself as being richer or poorer than the other.

When our unconscious focuses on is what we get more of. If we give out of lack that is what is received back. If we give out of guilt, we prolong the social inadequacies that we are trying to solve. If we give expecting something back, it signifies that we need something to be complete (e.g., focus on lack). So it is not only in what we give but how we give it that is important.

Giving should be done with no strings attached and be done more from the heart than the wallet. It should be done:

• Freely – In giving freely, it is done without sense of obligation, guilt or expectations attached. It is done out of the kindness of one’s heart just for the sake of giving. The best way to give without any strings attached (freely) is to give anonymously. This way there is no way for the person to repay you for your kindness.

• Willingly – If there is a twinge of doubt of giving because it may be too much or too little, it is again based on the sense of lack, not having enough. I find it interesting of how much is given when there is a major disaster. Yet, day-to-day giving is governed by how a person feels about his economic conditions. The better off we feel, the more we give. So giving is based on feelings. If we feel bad, we are more reluctant to give.

• Joyfully – Life is about living in a state of peace, love and joy. However, we live financially more from fear and worry than from joy. We worry if we will have enough for retirement. We fear an economic collapse or rising gas prices. The act of giving actually raises us above these stresses because it creates a sense that there is nothing to fear or stress because the focus is on the present where there is no fear. Fear and worry is about the future. Regret is about the past. In giving, all that matters is the present moment in the gift. It is like the saying goes: the past is history, the future is a fantasy, the present is all that there is and that is why they call it the present. So be joyful in the present and let the future unfold with less (or no) worry and stress.

• Lovingly – Giving is more than giving financially. It is giving love to others and yourself. The gift of giving is in the act itself. The line “give and you shall receive” is about the love you feel in helping (connecting with) others. It is in opening yourself up to a brother, we feel the connection that we all long for. In our busy lives, we tend to shut our doors to others. Yet in giving we reconnect instantly.

The gift of giving isn’t about receiving because wanting to receive is about lack. The gift of giving is about see what you already have. You give because you know that you can. You give because you know that everything will be o.k. in the future (no stress and worry). You give because you want to help (connect) with those around you.

So you may ask “if it is better to give than to receive”, why don’t I give it all away and let my creator take care of my retirement? To answer this question, I look at money as just a form of energy. If I need to work all next week (7 days, 16 hours a day), I am not going to stay up late the week before and party just to burn myself out before working those long hours. At the same time, if a friend comes to me in need, I am not automatically going to say no because I need to conserve all my strength and energy for the long week either. It is all about moderation and being in balance neither giving too much (to burn myself out) or hoarding (giving too little).

To learn more read “Unconditional Giving”

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